Original creation date: 15 February 2005
the first discovery you make is doublethink. when you are able to doublethink, you feel as if the political quandaries of the world suddenly unfold in front of you. as they unfold, you go on different tangents and come up with new questions for previously unthought thoughts.
one of those thoughts revolves around the importance of perception. understanding doublethink, you realize that most of the world’s concepts rely on public perceptions of certain phenomena. it becomes easy to turn any story on its head, to comprehend different views of the world, and thus understand the great importance of perceptions.
pretty soon one faces a quandary of moral relativism. if any single situation can be framed in two situations with completely different sets of values and be equally valid, what then is morality? morality is a mere collection of human dogmas that have allowed us to live somewhat peacefully in complex society.
the next step is a steady decline into chronic existentialism. one gradually realizes the inherent unimportance of every action one takes. emotions become more important than physical feelings; the deadening grip of solipsism encases us.
what does one do when one discovers nothing really matters?
25 September 2011
An Incredible, Unbelievable Experience
Original creation date: 20 February 2005
as i sit here and watch the tapes of my father made almost ten years ago i just had the most incredible, unbelievable experience.
T and i agreed to meet at his place but he never came tot the door. as i walked back disappointed, i thought of many things and suddenly ran into a group of strangers. what rough group. at first i thought they were wearing some sort of fraternity uniform…. all wore a black top with denim bottoms (or most of them anyway.) it was strange feeling for me because i usually do no t notice patterns like that; i am almost never aware of clothes.
as i said, when i first saw this phenomenon i assumed automatically atht they were wearing a uniform. but soon i began seeing this was not the case, the more i got close to them. no, they were all wearing this on their own volition; they had all independently reached the conclusion of that particular wardrobe.
for a split second, as the epiphany hit me, i freaked completely.
i was also wearing a black top and denum bottoms.
i imagined my whole life as a series of repetitions of things that had already passed.
i imagined looking up my won words online, and finding tens of thousands of matches.
i composed a short story, “i, clone” in about five seconds.
i passed the group, and with every step i took my thesis was confirmed. i crossed the street, and a couple dressed in black and blue passed beside me. i looked to the right, into the mcdonalds, and a black man in black and blue was ordering his supper. i progressed as people in black and blue exited the local supermarket. i looked across the street, and two girls in black and blue passed in front of the church.
i started to despair. i desperately looked for sings to disprove my theory. please, i cried inside, show me someone that is not dressed in lblack and blue! local ben and jerrys employees wore denim but their shirts were purple and beige, respectively.
as i passed next to the local theatre, a group of five girls in front of me, mostly dressed in black and blue, struck me as interesting. as i passed them, an amazing thing happened. one of them hit on me.
she wore a pink puffy jacket over her blue jeans. she spoke, simply, “hi”.
as alert as i was, i was deeply immersed in touhght. i slowly looked up and found that as i had hoped, she was in fact addressing me.
“just being friendly,” she said. obviously drunk, i thought.
“hi”, i replied.
they were smoking cigarettes.
“can i have a drag,”i asked.
“sure,” she said, and gave me the remaining fourth of her cig. all yours, she said. i said thank you. i took a drag. you saved me.
i finished her cig and continued my own path as they took another one. a minute later i was grinning from ear to ear. i had done something that fulfilled me, tonight.
it’s interesting, this human need for interaction. there is a rush associated with meeting new people. when it’s an attractive girl, it’s very often a good rush.
i cruised this way for about three blocks, my mind completely overtaken by this emotion. i wondered about the amazing human need for emotion. a life withougt emotion, i pondrered, is most unsatirfactroy. people require their daily dose of political and social interaction in order to generate emotions, because emotions are the rawest, ccrudest form of knowledge, and from them stems the capacity to be human. a man without emotions in his life is a robot, and is not any more alive than a palm frond .
three blocks in, i was crossing a street when a football hit my calf. annoyed, i picket up the football and started walking away.
hey buddy, pass the football, came a male voice. as i reacted, he added, you’ll regret it. i threw the ball back. i didn’t look back.
another rush of emotion. i loved it. a twinge of danger. no wonder men are addicted to war. in the absence of love, war is the only logical thing to pursue. if a man cannot love the woman he desires, he must release that emotion in a violent retaliation against those he dislikes.
emotion—i was addicted to it. a great clarity overcame me, and i looked at the stars. long ago, i thought, it was in them scribed that i was foreordained to fraternize with these people, and experience these feelings. i felt like a blank slate, being able to experience emotion in its rawest form, perhaps for the first time since i was born.
i could get used to this, i thought.
a heffalump is a dog-sized domesticated elephant. it occurs to me i want to own a heffalump someday.
The Genesis of Will and the Role of Currency
Original creation date: 5 August 2006
image conscious. image conscious. this is the phrase maria used today. image conscious.
this has been a trip down memory lane. ‘everything has changed and everything has stayed the same.’ maybe a soap opera of real life. like ‘the Truman show’. it has its own internal logic and plot twists.
sandy cohen was like, don’t put ryan in jail because he is really intelligent as demonstrated by these tests, and he will one day be a productive citizen of the united states and make this country a lot of money basically.
the basic problem of humanity is that everybody wants to rule the world. it’s a cliché but yet holds the answer, because to take away that desire is to basically destroy the human spirit. in other words there is no way to remedy this condition without wiping out our basic reason to live.
maybe somewhere they tried to do that and when it succeeded all the people who stopped wanting to rule the world could see no further meaning in life and so committed suicide collectively, thus rendering the system useless.
i guess by a strictly utilitarian point of view, religions that seem to make at least some people happy are a good thing. but that’s the problem with the strictly utilitarian view: it is necessary to properly understand the nature of the possible externalities of such a policy. aum shriyiko, a cult, killed several people in the Japanese metro with poison gas, and on September 11, what was basically a gigantic cult managed to attack the most powerful nation on earth for the first time in centuries. then again, one stumbles into the definition of a cult, which is surprisingly vague. the difference between a cult and a government seems to hinge largely on military might. which, basically, means finances. if bill gates decided to do so, he could probably buy his way into royalty, either by establishing his own kingdom on, say, Antarctica, or, even better, by purchasing the presidency of the united states, and hence control over most of the world. how many billions of dollars went into the creation and sustenance of al-qaeda, tupac amaru, the ezln, the eta, the ira . . . because in truth the main culprit of the current world situation is also its greatest benefactor, and therein lies the irony of this so-called democracy. Hezbollah may have billions of disposable dollars, but Israel has trillions, and as long as people truly believe they are entitled to rule over the rest of the world, they will keep fighting until the other is completely crushed. of course, amazing reverses have occurred in history—the epitome being the American revolution—but the list of lost causes is exponentially larger. not just in terms of revolutionary movements like the boxers and the boers, but in terms of large social movements that people have vested their lives in, like dead constitutional amendment proposals, dead religions like Egyptian mythology, greek mythology, or the shakers, and neo-cults revolving around monetary or other issues, such as the luddites.
should i goto this party-thing? i definitely need to eat something and then i’ll be good to go, but do i want to? i don’t really want to. but part of me is telling me to go anyway just to gather face, basically. is that right, gather face? i wanted to find an angle, but i can’t come up with anything. what do you say? ‘no i’m not ****, i’m just in a lot of physical pain; i just got shot in the arm yesterday’?! and that’s the best one i can come up with.
image conscious. image conscious. this is the phrase maria used today. image conscious.
this has been a trip down memory lane. ‘everything has changed and everything has stayed the same.’ maybe a soap opera of real life. like ‘the Truman show’. it has its own internal logic and plot twists.
sandy cohen was like, don’t put ryan in jail because he is really intelligent as demonstrated by these tests, and he will one day be a productive citizen of the united states and make this country a lot of money basically.
the basic problem of humanity is that everybody wants to rule the world. it’s a cliché but yet holds the answer, because to take away that desire is to basically destroy the human spirit. in other words there is no way to remedy this condition without wiping out our basic reason to live.
maybe somewhere they tried to do that and when it succeeded all the people who stopped wanting to rule the world could see no further meaning in life and so committed suicide collectively, thus rendering the system useless.
i guess by a strictly utilitarian point of view, religions that seem to make at least some people happy are a good thing. but that’s the problem with the strictly utilitarian view: it is necessary to properly understand the nature of the possible externalities of such a policy. aum shriyiko, a cult, killed several people in the Japanese metro with poison gas, and on September 11, what was basically a gigantic cult managed to attack the most powerful nation on earth for the first time in centuries. then again, one stumbles into the definition of a cult, which is surprisingly vague. the difference between a cult and a government seems to hinge largely on military might. which, basically, means finances. if bill gates decided to do so, he could probably buy his way into royalty, either by establishing his own kingdom on, say, Antarctica, or, even better, by purchasing the presidency of the united states, and hence control over most of the world. how many billions of dollars went into the creation and sustenance of al-qaeda, tupac amaru, the ezln, the eta, the ira . . . because in truth the main culprit of the current world situation is also its greatest benefactor, and therein lies the irony of this so-called democracy. Hezbollah may have billions of disposable dollars, but Israel has trillions, and as long as people truly believe they are entitled to rule over the rest of the world, they will keep fighting until the other is completely crushed. of course, amazing reverses have occurred in history—the epitome being the American revolution—but the list of lost causes is exponentially larger. not just in terms of revolutionary movements like the boxers and the boers, but in terms of large social movements that people have vested their lives in, like dead constitutional amendment proposals, dead religions like Egyptian mythology, greek mythology, or the shakers, and neo-cults revolving around monetary or other issues, such as the luddites.
should i goto this party-thing? i definitely need to eat something and then i’ll be good to go, but do i want to? i don’t really want to. but part of me is telling me to go anyway just to gather face, basically. is that right, gather face? i wanted to find an angle, but i can’t come up with anything. what do you say? ‘no i’m not ****, i’m just in a lot of physical pain; i just got shot in the arm yesterday’?! and that’s the best one i can come up with.
The Fast and Nietzche's Hypothesis
Original creation date: 28 July 2007, after the beach
THE FAST
the fast--
sometimes people ask me why i did the fast.
and i think
there are a number of reasons.
and in the first place
the fast felt weird,
but i'm glad i did it
because i learned some new things.
and learning is good.
i learned that i don't have the best reaction to dairy, for example,
and that fruit is actually a very good snack.
last time i did it,
i learned that soda really sucks if you're fasting,
and that's what it probably really tastes like, but we're so used to it
we don't realise that.
day one was sunday, supposably: i went to the docks and ate shrimp.
but i ate little else, and felt okay at the end of the day.
i learned that indeed beans make you f... arty.
day two was the real beginning, monday,
and julie wasnt there,
and i ate salad and fruit and it was good.
day three was the test,
and julie was there,
and i ate salad and fruit and julie argued with me about it,
which was weird,
but it was still okay.
day four was wednesday, hump day,
and it was okay at the beginning but i felt wearier and wearier
as the day drew on,
and i ate very little, not a full meal for lunch, as i define full meals.
or used to at least.
and that day i did alot of physical work, too,
a lot of walking.
which normally would of been fine, but my body was starting to complain.
from all this walking, i developed a sort of pain in the leg
the tiredness soreness of gyms.
and thursday was the real beginning of the strict water fast,
which did not go as expected.
i was extremely tired all day, because i was moving to a new room
in the morning.
even so, i went to see ratatouille.
i felt extremely tired, but it was all the more memorable because of that.
it was like a more intense form of living.
everything is experienced that much more intensely.
it's not really the hunger, i think;
it's the tiredness.
i can deal with the hunger okay, i have a lot of willpower in that regard;
but the tiredness defeated me eventually.
and boy. i was tired.
and i ate some bread that night
and the next day, friday,
did not do anything, just lie in bed really, and i was like
this is ridiculous, i need to eat or im just gonna feel tired
all the time.
which would suck.
so i started eating, first the fruit; then i moved on to some carrots
with ranch dressing, which has dairy;
and i realised that yes, dairy sort of irritates;
so it's a trade-off between yummyness and pain, really;
and then i ate some more fruit
and some reprocheta, with cheese.
which is also dairy. see above.
finally,
today,
i mostly broke the fast,
very slowly and deliberately
with some potato chips and some pizza.
lol. like.. the unhealthiest shit possible.
anyway, feel fine.
next up some fruit, apple and pear, probly
the nectarines arent too good.
bastards.
tomorrow probably some normalization
within reason, obviously.
=)
--
WHAT THE WORLD NEEDS NOW
what the world needs is more rihannas.
black people and asian people need to start interacting more.
well that, and more alicia keyses.
and giuliano palmas, i guess.
um.. and.. yeah.
--
GOD IS DEAD
so, nietzche is fun.
god is dead, he says,
because we have killed him.
the argument is rather convoluted, even though it is actually quite straightforward, so bear with me. i think it goes something like, people's herd instinct made individuality undesirable both because it was not always what was best for the herd and because being an individual is actually a painful and undesirable experience when one is used to the herd and accepts herd morality without question. therefore, whenever people wanted to justify individual behaviour and others demanded an explanation, he would just say oh it is not me that says it is so, but a god that speaks through me. thus was born theism and thus polytheism. the jewish tradition did away with polytheism and thus created a common morality once again in the religious area, and so men were not able to explain away their individual creative impulses through deities anymore as it was a sin and punishable by death. the judeo-christian tradition begot the creation of science, which is not really much more than a better description of the world, but does not really explain anything. science descrobe the world in better, more predictable patterns than theism, and thus the need for theism was expired, so to speak. by describing the world in ways easier for the human brain to predict, theism was at last no longer necessary and man was free of having to worship nature with deities. so, basically, god is dead. hmm.
in fact, everything is dead. what we call 'living' is just a very rare type of dead stuff.
yeah, nietzche is kind of a mindjob.
Important passages:
I: 1-14,24,29-31,33,37-56
III: 108-153
THE FAST
the fast--
sometimes people ask me why i did the fast.
and i think
there are a number of reasons.
and in the first place
the fast felt weird,
but i'm glad i did it
because i learned some new things.
and learning is good.
i learned that i don't have the best reaction to dairy, for example,
and that fruit is actually a very good snack.
last time i did it,
i learned that soda really sucks if you're fasting,
and that's what it probably really tastes like, but we're so used to it
we don't realise that.
day one was sunday, supposably: i went to the docks and ate shrimp.
but i ate little else, and felt okay at the end of the day.
i learned that indeed beans make you f... arty.
day two was the real beginning, monday,
and julie wasnt there,
and i ate salad and fruit and it was good.
day three was the test,
and julie was there,
and i ate salad and fruit and julie argued with me about it,
which was weird,
but it was still okay.
day four was wednesday, hump day,
and it was okay at the beginning but i felt wearier and wearier
as the day drew on,
and i ate very little, not a full meal for lunch, as i define full meals.
or used to at least.
and that day i did alot of physical work, too,
a lot of walking.
which normally would of been fine, but my body was starting to complain.
from all this walking, i developed a sort of pain in the leg
the tiredness soreness of gyms.
and thursday was the real beginning of the strict water fast,
which did not go as expected.
i was extremely tired all day, because i was moving to a new room
in the morning.
even so, i went to see ratatouille.
i felt extremely tired, but it was all the more memorable because of that.
it was like a more intense form of living.
everything is experienced that much more intensely.
it's not really the hunger, i think;
it's the tiredness.
i can deal with the hunger okay, i have a lot of willpower in that regard;
but the tiredness defeated me eventually.
and boy. i was tired.
and i ate some bread that night
and the next day, friday,
did not do anything, just lie in bed really, and i was like
this is ridiculous, i need to eat or im just gonna feel tired
all the time.
which would suck.
so i started eating, first the fruit; then i moved on to some carrots
with ranch dressing, which has dairy;
and i realised that yes, dairy sort of irritates;
so it's a trade-off between yummyness and pain, really;
and then i ate some more fruit
and some reprocheta, with cheese.
which is also dairy. see above.
finally,
today,
i mostly broke the fast,
very slowly and deliberately
with some potato chips and some pizza.
lol. like.. the unhealthiest shit possible.
anyway, feel fine.
next up some fruit, apple and pear, probly
the nectarines arent too good.
bastards.
tomorrow probably some normalization
within reason, obviously.
=)
--
WHAT THE WORLD NEEDS NOW
what the world needs is more rihannas.
black people and asian people need to start interacting more.
well that, and more alicia keyses.
and giuliano palmas, i guess.
um.. and.. yeah.
--
GOD IS DEAD
so, nietzche is fun.
god is dead, he says,
because we have killed him.
the argument is rather convoluted, even though it is actually quite straightforward, so bear with me. i think it goes something like, people's herd instinct made individuality undesirable both because it was not always what was best for the herd and because being an individual is actually a painful and undesirable experience when one is used to the herd and accepts herd morality without question. therefore, whenever people wanted to justify individual behaviour and others demanded an explanation, he would just say oh it is not me that says it is so, but a god that speaks through me. thus was born theism and thus polytheism. the jewish tradition did away with polytheism and thus created a common morality once again in the religious area, and so men were not able to explain away their individual creative impulses through deities anymore as it was a sin and punishable by death. the judeo-christian tradition begot the creation of science, which is not really much more than a better description of the world, but does not really explain anything. science descrobe the world in better, more predictable patterns than theism, and thus the need for theism was expired, so to speak. by describing the world in ways easier for the human brain to predict, theism was at last no longer necessary and man was free of having to worship nature with deities. so, basically, god is dead. hmm.
in fact, everything is dead. what we call 'living' is just a very rare type of dead stuff.
yeah, nietzche is kind of a mindjob.
Important passages:
I: 1-14,24,29-31,33,37-56
III: 108-153
Heartbreak and Time Travel
[Original creation date: 30 November 2008]
thoughts of heartbreak fill men's heads with the supernatural. consciousness is heightened when one is forced to confront the primal necessities and instincts of people, especially «civilised» people.
«civilization» itself has many biases versus «non-civilisation», «tribalism», or however you call it. to be civilised means nothing more than believing in a civil society as opposed to a tribal one. it just means you observe a different set of basic institutional and political beliefs. it is not a judgment on the pros and cons of either.
dealing with her always was and still is like treating with small children who want everything their way, and if they don't have it their way they get irritated and confused. she's had it her way all her life, why not now? maybe she'll learn something from me too, who knows?
causality makes time travel possible. if you have half the equation, you can figure out the whole equation with a few simple axioms. much like only a piece of RNA is needed to figure out the corresponding DNA, it is a logic-based system. causality is one of these two-way equations, because as we know, supposedly--every action has an equal and opposite reaction.
going forward or backward in time is just a way of putting the logic of life in motion and it will be the same both going forward and in reverse. finding that node in the infinity of multiverses, however, is so infinitely precise that it is almost inconceivable.
the only way one could safely travel back and forth between different times and not alter your own timeline is if the past is immutable, and by consequence, so is the future: assume determinism. removing any and all stochastic quantum interference, however, also makes it impossible to alter reality in any physical way. in fact, our bodies could not even exist in the physical plane because the butterfly effect of the simple displacement of air, the breathing and exhaling of air, mere existence would mutate the world in unpredictable ways.
so how to exist in the past if not physically? the astral plane is the only alternative left. whether this means a revision of physical laws or a higher power does not necessarily matter.
thoughts of heartbreak fill men's heads with the supernatural. consciousness is heightened when one is forced to confront the primal necessities and instincts of people, especially «civilised» people.
«civilization» itself has many biases versus «non-civilisation», «tribalism», or however you call it. to be civilised means nothing more than believing in a civil society as opposed to a tribal one. it just means you observe a different set of basic institutional and political beliefs. it is not a judgment on the pros and cons of either.
dealing with her always was and still is like treating with small children who want everything their way, and if they don't have it their way they get irritated and confused. she's had it her way all her life, why not now? maybe she'll learn something from me too, who knows?
causality makes time travel possible. if you have half the equation, you can figure out the whole equation with a few simple axioms. much like only a piece of RNA is needed to figure out the corresponding DNA, it is a logic-based system. causality is one of these two-way equations, because as we know, supposedly--every action has an equal and opposite reaction.
going forward or backward in time is just a way of putting the logic of life in motion and it will be the same both going forward and in reverse. finding that node in the infinity of multiverses, however, is so infinitely precise that it is almost inconceivable.
the only way one could safely travel back and forth between different times and not alter your own timeline is if the past is immutable, and by consequence, so is the future: assume determinism. removing any and all stochastic quantum interference, however, also makes it impossible to alter reality in any physical way. in fact, our bodies could not even exist in the physical plane because the butterfly effect of the simple displacement of air, the breathing and exhaling of air, mere existence would mutate the world in unpredictable ways.
so how to exist in the past if not physically? the astral plane is the only alternative left. whether this means a revision of physical laws or a higher power does not necessarily matter.
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