An Incredible, Unbelievable Experience

Original creation date: 20 February 2005

as i sit here and watch the tapes of my father made almost ten years ago i just had the most incredible, unbelievable experience.

T and i agreed to meet at his place but he never came tot the door. as i walked back disappointed, i thought of many things and suddenly ran into a group of strangers. what rough group. at first i thought they were wearing some sort of fraternity uniform…. all wore a black top with denim bottoms (or most of them anyway.) it was strange feeling for me because i usually do no t notice patterns like that; i am almost never aware of clothes.

as i said, when i first saw this phenomenon i assumed automatically atht they were wearing a uniform. but soon i began seeing this was not the case, the more i got close to them. no, they were all wearing this on their own volition; they had all independently reached the conclusion of that particular wardrobe.

for a split second, as the epiphany hit me, i freaked completely.

i was also wearing a black top and denum bottoms.

i imagined my whole life as a series of repetitions of things that had already passed.

i imagined looking up my won words online, and finding tens of thousands of matches.

i composed a short story, “i, clone” in about five seconds.

i passed the group, and with every step i took my thesis was confirmed. i crossed the street, and a couple dressed in black and blue passed beside me. i looked to the right, into the mcdonalds, and a black man in black and blue was ordering his supper. i progressed as people in black and blue exited the local supermarket. i looked across the street, and two girls in black and blue passed in front of the church.

i started to despair. i desperately looked for sings to disprove my theory. please, i cried inside, show me someone that is not dressed in lblack and blue! local ben and jerrys employees wore denim but their shirts were purple and beige, respectively.

as i passed next to the local theatre, a group of five girls in front of me, mostly dressed in black and blue, struck me as interesting. as i passed them, an amazing thing happened. one of them hit on me.

she wore a pink puffy jacket over her blue jeans. she spoke, simply, “hi”.

as alert as i was, i was deeply immersed in touhght. i slowly looked up and found that as i had hoped, she was in fact addressing me.

“just being friendly,” she said. obviously drunk, i thought.

“hi”, i replied.

they were smoking cigarettes.

“can i have a drag,”i asked.

“sure,” she said, and gave me the remaining fourth of her cig. all yours, she said. i said thank you. i took a drag. you saved me.

i finished her cig and continued my own path as they took another one. a minute later i was grinning from ear to ear. i had done something that fulfilled me, tonight.

it’s interesting, this human need for interaction. there is a rush associated with meeting new people. when it’s an attractive girl, it’s very often a good rush.

i cruised this way for about three blocks, my mind completely overtaken by this emotion. i wondered about the amazing human need for emotion. a life withougt emotion, i pondrered, is most unsatirfactroy. people require their daily dose of political and social interaction in order to generate emotions, because emotions are the rawest, ccrudest form of knowledge, and from them stems the capacity to be human. a man without emotions in his life is a robot, and is not any more alive than a palm frond .

three blocks in, i was crossing a street when a football hit my calf. annoyed, i picket up the football and started walking away.

hey buddy, pass the football, came a male voice. as i reacted, he added, you’ll regret it. i threw the ball back. i didn’t look back.

another rush of emotion. i loved it. a twinge of danger. no wonder men are addicted to war. in the absence of love, war is the only logical thing to pursue. if a man cannot love the woman he desires, he must release that emotion in a violent retaliation against those he dislikes.

emotion—i was addicted to it. a great clarity overcame me, and i looked at the stars. long ago, i thought, it was in them scribed that i was foreordained to fraternize with these people, and experience these feelings. i felt like a blank slate, being able to experience emotion in its rawest form, perhaps for the first time since i was born.

i could get used to this, i thought.

a heffalump is a dog-sized domesticated elephant. it occurs to me i want to own a heffalump someday.